Some recent JU drama has brought to mind several topics for writing. One of those is the nature of young love. Can teenagers really fall in love? Do they have the capacity to see in one another a person worth sharing their life? These questions got me to thinking about my teen years, and my first love.
Her name was Jennifer. I met her in the 7th grade and we would become extremely close over our junior and senior high school years. During that time she was the girlfriend of three of my best friends, and other guys, but never me.
She was one of the three closest friends I have ever had, and knew me better than I knew myself. We were closer to each other than we were to the people we dated. But she broke my heart twice, once in the 9th grade and once when we were sophomores in college.
We never had the relationship I wanted, and in January of our sophomore college year she severed all contact with me. She had chosen to go back to one of her old boyfriends, who really treated her like crap. He never physically abused her, and in fact I think she could have kicked his ass, but he was always verbally demeaning her.
I know that she loved me, and I couldn’t understand why she would pick a man who treated her like that over me. One of our mutual friends offered an explanation. I don’t know if it is true, but this girl had amazing insight.
This friend told me that her boyfriend needed her. That he became a total wreck when they broke up, which they had done several times since the 7th grade. I had lived some eight years loving her but not having her, and so I had proven that I did not “need” her.
This friend told me the idea of being with a man who did not need her scared her. She told me I was too strong. After that I honored Jennifer’s wishes and have not tried to contact her since.
But I still feel her in my heart. Thinking about her brings back that old ache. I have learned over the years that I do not know how to stop loving. And that the old love I feel does not prevent me from filling my heart with new love.
My feelings for Jennifer were set in stone the moment I saw her, and those feelings have not disappeared in 22 years. So if someone asks me if the young can love, and if it can come quickly and without warning, then my answer has to be yes.