Words are easy.
That basic phrase has formed one of the foundations of my personal philosophy for many years. In those years I have shared this theme with a number of people, and I have heard many interpretations. Here I am going to explore a couple of the variations that I have imaged thus far.
Words and Action
Originally the phrase “words are easy” came to me after I learned that a girlfriend had been lying to me about a number of issues (the primary one being fidelity). At that point I looked back on my life to examine the times where I felt the most pain and betrayal. It occurred to me that there was a significant difference between what many people said and what they did.
This led me to the idea that I could not trust the words people used, but rather must look at their actions. Using actions to form opinions of people would result in a much more accurate image of who those people truly are. Words are too easy to conjure, but action requires actual work.
Words as Weapons
Later in life I found an alternate meaning to the phrase “words are easy.”
Again, it was while engaging in a bit of introspection about pain. I had suffered a rather scathing attack by someone for whom I cared, and this person’s words hurt me deeply. I won’t get into the details of the attack, but I ultimately decided that the attack was unfounded.
I started thinking about why I was feeling pain over someone’s silly talk. After all, these words did not cut me. They did not break my bones. They did not burn my nerves. They just entered my mind. This pain, like so many others, was in my mind. And if it is caused by my mind, then it can be excised by my mind. With this thought prevalent I proceeded to find a way to eliminate this mental anguish.
Eventually I came to realize that the only reason some person’s words cause pain is because the victim gives those words power. Often this is because we have some emotional attachment to the origin of the words. We care for someone, and so this person’s harsh words cause us pain. One fine example of this is in the movie Roxanne. Steve Martin’s character asks Roxanne to take care in what she says, because one harsh word from her would be crushing (to paraphrase).
So with this in mind I decided that it was my responsibility to govern who was given the power of words, and who was not. I soon realized that many of the people whose opinions had induced emotional responses from me were not worthy of that power. After a while I had reduced the number of beings of power in my life to a small handful.
This path of philosophy has led me to the conclusion that we are all responsible for deciding who can and cannot cause us pain. And here I am talking about emotional pain or mental anguish. Obviously physical pain can be inflicted by any number of people without our permission.
How to Deal
Always keep a critical eye open to the words delivered to your mind. Keep in mind the person's possible motives, and always compare those words with their actions. The more disparate a person's words and actions, the less weight you should give to those words.
When someone offers an opinion that causes us pain, we must immediately decide whether that person’s words truly matter to us. I believe that in almost every case the answer to that question will be no. At that point you can let the criticisms and attempted insults flow around you like the empty air that they truly are.