Finding Myself

The Twisted Path

Published on July 10, 2004 By CS Guy In Life Journals

Recently a fellow blogger wrote about her difficulty in realizing her potential. This has inspired me to write about my experience with that same difficulty, and what decisions I made.

When I first went to college it was because I was expected to. In my family you had two choices: College or Military. Since I’m an obnoxious jerk who has little respect for authority, the second option was out.

I first studied Aerospace Engineering (ASE) because my older brother told me to. He had read in a magazine that ASE had the best starting salary coming out of school, and since I was good at math and science he thought it was a good choice for me. Since I didn't have any better ideas at the time I went for it.

Problem was that I was not just good at math and science. I was good at everything. That may sound arrogant, and I have certainly been accused of that, but it is the simple truth. And it took me a long time to become comfortable with that. As a child my mother would tell me I could be anything I wanted. I doubt she knew how true that was.

After my second year in school I realized ASE was far too boring for me. I wanted a new major, but deciding on one was tricky. Serious candidates included English Literature, Psychology, Philosophy (which ended up being my minor), Art, History, Anthropology, Biochemistry, Physics, and Computer Science. I was interested in becoming a Forensic Anthropologist, so I picked Biochemistry. That lasted a semester before I realized I would need a PhD to be a lab assistant, and that was not a path I wanted to tread.

So I eventually decided on Computer Science. There were a couple of reasons for this decision. First, I couldn't see myself making a living at many of my potential choices. Second, I had some college level credit for programming from an Advanced Placement Computer Science class I took in high school. This second reason was somewhat important to me since I was already way behind in finishing a degree in four years.

Even with my new choice I wasn't very enthusiastic about school. I still wasn’t going to school for me. Two years later I left school to try my hand at being an artist. That didn't work out so well, but during that time I was writing software for various odd jobs. I would write an admin program for the Engineering School here, a chemistry aid for a graduate student there, the library for the occasional MUD. These jobs were varied and many, but paid little to nothing.

The significant positive aspect of these jobs was that people were using my work. And in some cases my code was entertaining thousands of people around the world. This was big. This was very big.

For the first time in my life I felt like I was doing something useful. I discovered that software development involved so many of the talents and skills that I enjoyed using. I was finally able to apply my creative side and my analytical side in equal measure. This was thrilling to me.

After two years away from school I managed to save enough to return. Return is almost the wrong word, because I had never really been there before. It was more like starting school fresh with some baggage from the past (a very poor G.P.A.).

I enjoyed my last two years of undergraduate work so much that I signed up for three more years of graduate school. After that I was offered a job as a Lecturer for the Computer Science Department at my university. And after a few years of that I stepped into the Industry.

I still love software development. I get excited thinking about the work I get to perform. I get giddy when I am handed a problem to fix, or a feature to implement.

The moral of this story, if there is one, is that it may take some time to find where you belong. And there may be a twisting path you must tread. But if you do not give up, and always work towards what makes you happy, you will find your way.

Comments

Phoenixboi

on Jul 10, 2004

Great article CS!
good to see your doing stuff that makes u happy

Floozie

on Jul 11, 2004

'I first studied Aerospace Engineering (ASE) because my older brother told me to. He had read in a magazine that ASE had the best starting salary coming out of school, and since I was good at math and science he thought it was a good choice for me'

I actually considered studying this too, but then discovered Actuarial Studies which leaves fresh faced graduates with far more money than they could expect to know what to do with. After embarking on a double degree of Actuarial Studies and Applied Finance, I realised that this career choice would strip me of my individuality, I'd find it boring, and have no time to enjoy all the cash I'd be earning. Needless to say, this career choice didn't last long! It's funny how you choose careers when you're young based on what you're good at and what will make you money without regards to what you will enjoy.

I am now almost finished a psychology degree but, like yourself, have an abysmal GPA which means that getting in to post grad to complete my training will be near impossible. But that's all over the other side of the world right now, so I may as well deal with it when I get home!

Thanks for sharing! I'm glad you finally found what makes you happy. You've given me a ray of hope.

Muggaz

on Jul 11, 2004

Problem was that I was not just good at math and science. I was good at everything.

This is why I like you! I couldn't pin-point why, but now I know...

I can totally relate... well, except for the Maths and Science part!!!

This was a great blog, and articles like this are certainly appreciated by those seeking advice... as demonstrated by young Flooz!

BAM!!!

CS Guy

on Jul 11, 2004

I am now almost finished a psychology degree but, like yourself, have an abysmal GPA which means that getting in to post grad to complete my training will be near impossible.

I actually went to graduate school BECAUSE my GPA was so bad. I don't know where you are, but here we have this test called the GRE (Graduate Record Examinations). It consisted, at the time, of three parts: Math, English, Analytical. If you are familiar with the SAT it is very similar, only with the additional analytical section and geared towards college graduates. I managed to score high enough on that that my GPA wasn't a consideration.

Most schools I was aware of would play a balancing act with GPA and GRE scores. For example, if you have a 2.00 GPA you need a 2000 GRE (out of a possible 2400). If you have a 2.5 GPA you need a 1800 GRE. And so on. My GRE was a 2300, so GPA wasn't even an issue.

Abe cubbage

on Jul 11, 2004

I was good at everything.

That pobably includes athletics, music and art too. Correct?

CS Guy

on Jul 11, 2004

That pobably includes athletics, music and art too. Correct?

Well, I've never learned to play an instrument, but before my voice changed in the 8th grade I was routinely in 3 choirs at a time. But yes, I have been good at athletics and art. I'm old and lazy now, so I have to depend on skill and intelligence in athletics instead of physical ability, which is why I like Racquetball.

Floozie

on Jul 12, 2004

I actually went to graduate school BECAUSE my GPA was so bad.

A ha! I study in Australia, so I will have to look into all of that stuff once I finally finish the stupid degree! It's good to know that there is some hope to continue regardless of the scars left by my over riding laziness!

Kayles

on Jul 12, 2004

Old and lazy? I think, not!!

citahellion

on Jul 14, 2004

If I'd known that about grad schools balancing GRE and GPA, I would have looked a lot harder at going for a second degree. (Not to brag, but I outscored you on the GRE by about 4.35%, CS Guy.) I still feel like an undereducated person relative to many of my friends who have Masters' degrees. On the other hand, that doesn't stop me from feeling that I am smarter than them anyway.

CS Guy

on Jul 14, 2004

I still feel like an undereducated person relative to many of my friends who have Masters' degrees.

I really don't consider my education to have started until grad school. Everything before it was so... elementary. Rote memorization and a lack of thinking dominated my undergraduate education.

citahellion

on Jul 15, 2004

Well, I did go to a good college, had excellent professors, and studied the subjects that I knew I was interested in. Sure there was some basic memorization stuff, but that'll be true of just about anything. I'm happy to say that my college education was one of the best times of my life. Even the course that got me in the most trouble academically was interesting.

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