I am a vendor. This is a term used by the company that owns the building in which I work. Vendors are people who work for other companies. Some places call these people sub-contractors. Names vary, but the point is that I am a visitor in this building, even though I work every day here. To get to my office I must pass through three secure doors. The door into the building, the door in the lobby that leads to the work locations, and the door that leads into my program's work area. Thi...

“You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER.” Frank Zappa

"Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth." - Chuck Norris (1940-) "

I just got a paper cut! It's bad... oh so bad. I can see the bone! Blood is spurting everywhere! I think my finger is going to fall off! I can barely manage to type this! I need prayers! Lots of prayers! Oh wait, I'm an athiest. I need donations! Lots of donations! Getting my finger re-attached is going to take some coin. I'm going to pass out now.... goodbye.

"After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." - Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato) "

So the winning suggestion for my 100th Article came from Poetmom. She suggested, and was seconded, that I list 100 things about me. That was easier said than done, let me tell you. But here are the results. 1. I live in Colorado 2. I grew up in the southern United States. 3. I went to school at a fine Southern university, with one of the best Engineering schools around. 4. Before finishing my B.S. I left school to try my hand as an artist. It didn’t work out. 5. I have a baby pic...

So my next article will be magic 100. I've seen other people celebrate this milestone, and thought I would join in the fun. Problem is that I'm about as creative as a... well, something that isn't very creative. So does anyone have any suggestions for my 100 article celebration? If I don't get any suggestions by the time I feel like writing again, I'm just gonna come up with something lame. And let that be on your conscience!

Back when I was an undergrad in college I supported myself by delivering pizzas for Dominos. My school was situated next to a small college town in Mississippi. For those who have never been to Mississippi there are several words that can be used to describe the place. The word I am going to use today is “Trees.” Mississippi is full of trees. Well, 61% of Mississippi’s land is forest. It also has more tree farms than any other state, generates more forestry products than any other sta...

“When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work.” George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

Someone was recently expressing concern about how much exposure their bog site gets on JU, and it got me thinking about how people read other blogs. I can think of a few ways for your site to get exposure 1. Your article shows up in the "Recent JoeUser Articles", and people access it from there. 2. Your article gets a comment that pushes it to the top of the "Recent Forum Posts". 3. Brad makes your article a "Featured JoeUser Article", and this can get you a lot of exposure. 4. You b...

Saturday mornings I like to take a little "me" time and relax. There are several parks in my city, but the one I like the most is the Garden of the Gods. This park has numerous rock formations, all of which are inspiring and beautiful. So on Saturday mornings I will grab some water and head over there and walk the trails. I usually spend about 40 minutes to an hour wandering the paths. Sometimes I will stop at one of the stone formation benches and watch the other visitors marvel at na...

“Weaseling out of things is good. It's what separates us from the other animals....except weasels.” Homer Simpson

“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.” -Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

“People don't ask for facts in making up their minds. They would rather have one good, soul-satisfying emotion than a dozen facts.” Robert Keith Leavitt

In an article recently, someone asked what I see first when I look at a woman. I replied “the neck.” Sir Peter then asked me if I were a vampire. The answer, it seems, is perhaps. Let’s break it down. I am a night person. I always have been. My mother was always amazed if I got out of bed before noon on the weekends. When I was a lecturer I made a deal with my boss not to schedule any of my classes before 10:00 AM. Over the years I have noticed a definite increase in energy, st...